Being Brave by Being Yourself

I was speaking with a new friend the other day. We were talking about what we do—and who we are. For many people, those are two very different things. But for me, I think they’re one and the same. I am what I do, or maybe, what I do is who I am.

They asked if I had always been creative—if I was an artistic child. I wasn’t. I spent a long time trying to fit into a world that didn’t seem to have space for me. 

When I was young, I knew I was different, but I didn’t believe that was a good thing. I wasn’t raised to see it that way. So I tried very hard not to be different. And I think many of you know how exhausting it is to be something you’re not. It’s like running on a treadmill at full speed with your legs tied together. Not only is it nearly impossible—it’s a mess. I was a mess.

Looking back, I wish I had known myself sooner. I wish I’d had the courage to be that person earlier. My childhood wasn’t happy, and I now realize that much of that sadness came from not being able to be myself. I was always tired—and I didn’t understand why. Now I do. It took a lot of energy to live out of alignment with who I really was.

Later, I married someone who wasn’t the right fit. I thought I had to make that look perfect, too. We had a picture-perfect home, beautifully dressed children, we did all the “right” things—and it was miserable. Eventually, the cracks began to show. The foundation of our little family started to break, and I realized I couldn’t keep holding everything together.

After the divorce, I told my children something I still believe deeply: if our life is a mess, it’s okay for it to look messy. I think that was the first real breath I ever took. One I didn’t have to think about.

I don’t wish any of it away. It made me who I am. It brought me here. I’ve always been luckier than most, and I’ve known that—but I wish I had known sooner that I was okay just being me.

Now, I work hard to teach my children that all of who they are is worthy. They are loved simply because they are—not because of what they do or who they try to be.

When I look back at that younger version of me, I tell her this: You are beautiful. You are wonderful. You don’t have to try so hard to be. Just work on becoming.

One of the bravest things we can do in this world is be ourselves—especially in a world that constantly tries to make us into something else. I wish you the courage to walk into the world knowing you are already beautiful, already perfect, just as you are. And if someone can’t see your beauty, know that it’s not because it isn’t there—but maybe because they’re still searching for it in themselves.