Who I Am

I’ve been thinking about who I am, who we all are. We describe ourselves in bullet points to others. For me I’m a sister, mother, artist, friend… but is that really who I am? The answer is of course both yes and no, as most questions have many different answers that can be true at once. Sometimes when we know someone and find out something about them contrary to what we believe, we feel betrayed. The thing is, we are like puzzle pieces, apart they are just shapes and varying colors but together there is a complete picture. I am an open and also a very private person, these things seem to contradict each other but in truth they do not, there are just parts of me that oppose each other. I believe these parts, all of them, give texture to who we are. I like to think that the people who love me see me and know I’m imperfect and they choose to love me not just despite my flaws but because of them. Because every thing I’ve gone through has brought me here, has made me the person they love. We too are changing and just as my skin tans in the sun or wrinkles over time so it is with the rest of us. Not everyone changes, I believe in order to make real, lasting, meaningful changes we must be intentional about our choices. I have built a life with intention that leaves room for others, for life. If I chose not to be intentional some things would change and much would not, we live in a fluid world that expands and contracts.

I used to try hard to fit in, to be what and who I thought others wanted of me. At some point I stopped trying so hard and started just being. There is so much relief and freedom in being who you truly are, become who you were created to be. It’s exhausting to try to be someone else and also nearly impossible. There are times I slip. I find myself grasping to be liked, trying to please. In these moments I try to slow down and ask myself what I truly want, what feels right and good. Sometimes what feels right and good is the hardest thing to do, it was when I began to seriously consider myself. Now doing right and good is usually the easiest thing for me even when it actually takes the most work. You see it’s of little use to try to be someone else, that person is already taken. If you decide to be them you are truly abandoning yourself and then there is no one to be you. So now I’m trying, still trying to just be me and I’ve found that is enough.

xx

Christina